The Naturals

So by now we know that Jason Heyward > Sliced Bread x foi gras. The home run he hit on the third pitch of his first at bat might one day be spoken about in the same breath as other great regular season homers, like Aaron’s 715th or George Brett’s Pine Tar Shot. One day I’ll probably tell my grand kids about it and lament that I didn’t draft him in my keeper league. It’s funny how baseball works. How all the little things can add up to history.

The heavens opened up and smiled on Heyward, the local kid made baseball legend before he ever took his first swing in the bigs. Fortune took a dump on the trimmed down and sedate, 2010 edition of Cubs pitcher, Carlos Zambrano. With a little luck, Zambrano (why in god’s name did I draft him?) could have very easily gotten out of that inning unscathed. A couple of bloops are correctly played, a seeing eye single bounces a foot to the left or right and The Say Hey Kid 2.0 never steps up to the plate with runners on and Big Z flailing to get a guy out. Baseball’s a cruel mistress isn’t it Mr. Zambrano?

This is the text exchange between JP, who drafted Heyward in our keeper league, and myself. Remember precisely what you were doing when Heyward hit his first. One day it’ll make for fantastic party filler conversation.

Me: Wow Heyward takes Z deep in his first at bat!

JP: 3 run job beeyotch.

Me: Cruel inning for Z. bloops and bleeder… that’s alright albert hit 2 sucka!

All sarcasm aside, it was pretty sweet to witness a great baseball moment. Now excuse me while I try to forget that Zambrano’s epic fail probably just sunk my ERA and WHIP for the week. Enjoy this poor quality, Zapruder-esque video of Heyward’s first at-bat taken by a fan at the game.

Aside from Zambrano’s stinker, it was a damn fine start to the 2010 season for The Uptown Hamfighters. Albert jacked 2 and mocked all other hitters by singing “anything you can do, I can do better.” Mark Buerhle tossed a gem and flashed the leather for what might be the play of the year. Nelson Cruz used his boomstick and Brian Fuentes picked up a 1-2-3 save out west. The Uptown Hamfighters are well on their way towards handing the hated Jamaica Beef Pattie it’s first beating of the season.

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